Confessions of an Ex Drag Queen

     My story, as you’ll learn, has many parts and I went through many things to find wholeness and acceptance.  I was just like every other high school kid, looking for a future.  Looking for a place to fit in.  An identity to call mine.  I was in theatre and never fit in with other guys.  I never had many, if any guy friends, and the only sibling I had was making a life and family for himself.  For so long I felt alone due to being bullied and never really fitting in.  All of my closest friends were girls and my roll model was my mother.

      As my father was working all the time to give us the fluffy life style we lead, I was left with out a male role model and an example of love from a father.  Never having a male role model, I was never taught how to really be a man.  I began realizing that I felt more like a woman than a man.  I had always had girl best friends and I always just clicked better with them.  I began thinking, “Being a girl would help me fit in easier.”  I first began to talk to guys because I wanted a man to support me.  I just wanted love.  I wanted a guy to sit on the couch with and love and just be with.

Then I met him, my first boyfriend.  I then soon lost my virginity to him and began sleeping regularly.  Then after a heart wrenching break up, I was thrown into a life of sleeping with any guy I could find on a hook up app.  Any age from 30 to 56, I slept with them.  Guy after guy, I kept searching for that complete feeling.  During all of this I began dabbling in Drag.  The world of highlighter, rouge and contour.  I named myself “Velma.”  I slapped on my heels, pulled up my tights, and got a 42 DD breasted bra (Bra with boobs already in them).  I was hot and had plenty of game at the local gay bars.  Being from the suburbs of Atlanta, there were plenty of opportunities to preform and play around.

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     I finally came to my last straw when I almost overdosed on cocaine and was scared for my own well-being.  Aside from the drag and the men, I was a drug dealer to support “Velma.”  My life was truly everywhere.  I got tired day after day putting on this fake façade just to make people happy and accept me.  I was tired of the men sleeping with me and then never talking to me again.  I was tired of feeling lost and worthless.  Even when I was “in love” with my boyfriend I was empty still.  I was chasing after the affection of a male and couldn’t get it filled.

     I then found a ministry school in Alabama that I had a relative attended, and I decided I was so desperate that I would try it.  The day before orientation, after my acceptance, I met a man that filled me up completely.  Jesus.  He filled my void and from that point on I went on a journey to find God and myself.

     Now, my freedom wasn’t an instant thing for me.  It was a process.  I had to find guys I could run with and find a guy I could trust to tell my worries, struggles and attractions to, and I did.  I finally started finding freedom.

     Some people may call it legalism, but when I truly fell in love with the one who called me His I didn’t want anything to stand in my way between Him and me.  I started cutting out shows and music that promoted guys sexually and stopped watching thing that had a gay connotation or “scene” in it.  I started seeing that when you put something in front of you, Jesus, everything else that you focused on before disappears (my broken sexuality). There truly is freedom for Homosexuals! It’s a process, but I’ve learned the best things are worth working for.


 

Blake is currently interning at The Ramp in Hamilton, AL under the
ministry of Karen 20786520_10209332053034002_305462898_nWheaton.  He serves in the inner healing ministry as well as the event assistant/product manager for the missions pastor.  In a year, he will be getting married to his beautiful fiancé, Anissa and then they will move to her hometown of San Antonio, Tx to be the full time youth pastor and head of the inner healing ministry.  The past three years have been such an incredible journey, but he is ready to see what God has in store for his future family.

Click here to read Blake’s blog, “Letting HER Go”

 

 

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