Straight Outta LGBT

 

I have been in the presence of God plenty of times. I have read my bible for years and I’ve prayed for God to miraculously take SSA (same sex attraction) away but nothing happened.

I’m not saying those things don’t work because I know of people who have had and encounter with God and SSA completely vanished, but for me it wasn’t like that.

Why did I not receive complete deliverance at one of the hundreds of altar calls that I answered? Was there something wrong with me? Did God just not like me as much as others? Did I not deserve deliverance because God supposedly “hates” gays? Some of my questions never received answers but I knew God didn’t play favorites and he has great gifts for his sons and daughters. I had a deliverance destined for me! My problem was I didn’t know how to get it.

My name is Zach and I was an openly gay teen. I loved God but he wasn’t my only lover. For the longest time I never understood why I was attracted to the same sex and why everyone else was born normal. Since I can remember I have always been different from other guys. When I was in elementary school I was treated differently. I can even remember it only took my first best friend one day to never speak to me again in kindergarten because I was too weird. At the age of ten, I was molested by a guy. I never had a dad to run to so for years I wrestled with why. Why was I the victim? Maybe my difference translated into vulnerability to him. Throughout middle school I was bullied and labeled gay. At that point in my life I had no identity. I didn’t stand for anything so I fell for everything. I accepted the label.My difference became homosexuality.

I learned fast that accepting the labels didn’t stop the labeling. Agreeing with Nay Sayers fueled the fire rather than quieting the crowd. In the middle of all the chaos I decided to follow Jesus. Little did I know following Jesus is not a quick fix for my life. That decision actually made everything harder. Now I had the responsibility of proving to everyone that I somehow quit cold turkey and am no longer attracted to guys. I was in a whirlwind of emotions and identities. My life started to spiral out of control. I fell into depression and started to harm myself. My family started to distance themselves from me. I don’t blame them. I wouldn’t know what to do if I was put in their position.

Fast forward a few years, in the midst of my messy life God began to encounter me on a deep level. I wasn’t in any way seeking Him or desiring what He gave me. He came out of left field. I received the baptism of the Holy Spirit without knowing what it was but from that moment on I could sense God’s love peeling back layers of pain and rejection that had gripped my heart. He began to speak to me in the most intimate way. It made no sense to me that a Holy God chose to encounter and speak to the heart of an openly gay teen. Even as I write this post I am reminded of Mary Magdalene, a lover of Jesus by day but a whore by night. It makes sense now that God would want to love me. How could He become my Father without stepping into my mess like He did for Mary?

Through God lavishing me with His love, I began to realize that a lot of my problems, if not all of them, were an issue of the way that I think. Ephesians 4:23 says, “.. let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitude.” That’s exactly what I began to do. I began to pray, “Lord, cut on me; don’t cut me off.” This process taught me that a relationship with Jesus is just that. It’s a relationship. It takes time and investment. It is a journey. In this journey I have learned how to personally overcome homosexuality and same sex attraction. Before you continue reading, this is not “THE WAY” to see freedom in your life. This is the way God led me to freedom. Your relationship with God is personal and unique. What works for me might not work for you. After all this is Christianity not a one way American dream.

  1. I had to realize that God is taking me on a journey that no one else has been on because it is my journey.

    I could sit down with all the counselors in the world and try to get help from them but without God I will never change. He created me therefore He has the answers.

  2. For me homosexuality and same sex attraction was an issue of the mind and heart.

    The voice in my head that is always speaking nonstop is what fueled my issues. It wasn’t molestation that caused me to be gay. It wasn’t an absent father that caused homosexuality. It wasn’t being born different that caused same sex attraction. My experiences do not cause my problems. What I thought about my experiences is what causes my problems. In other words, if I can change what my mind dwells on I can change my life. Holy Spirit led me to stop saying “I am a gay Christian.” to “I struggle with same sex attraction.” I am glad He didn’t stop there because that sounds like from bondage to bondage. That small shift in mindset laid a foundation and opened the door for complete freedom. Shortly after, I began to declare, “Same sex attraction is not a sign of a lack of love, it is a symptom of spiritual brokenness and I am no longer broken.”

  3. I am attracted to that which is mysterious.

    Holy Spirit spoke this to me recently and it makes so much sense. The only reason I was attracted to the same sex is because I saw guys as a mystery. Therefore I wanted to get close to what I didn’t understand. Seems weird, but remember that I was treated differently even from birth. My experience did not create this mystery, my thought process of the treatment did. So I decided to make what was common to me (girls) a mystery and what was a mystery to me (boys) common. I stopped hanging out with girls and starting hanging out with guys. At first it was extremely awkward and uncomfortable but as time went by my life began to transform. He began to transform my life so drastically that my appearance even began to change!

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  4. When I looked into the eyes of fire, all other lovers burned away.

    The glue that held my freedom together was the fact that Jesus desired to be intimate with me. The most intimate people lock eyes with each other. Watch your parents. They love each other so they make intimate eye contact. When I locked eyes with the one who died for me everything changed. I began to become like the one I daily behold.

These short simple truths changed my life completely. Now I live in complete freedom from homosexuality and same sex attraction. Now I live a life free from SSA and full of attraction for God and my wonderful girlfriend, Bayleigh West.

God did not just deliver me out of darkness without delivering me into His marvelous light!

 

UPDATE: I wrote this blog in July of 2016. I am now married to that beautiful woman, Bayleigh Autumn Holder. We are currently starting our family and are on fire for Jesus like never before. We are missionaries who believe in finishing the Great Commission, but most of all, I no longer am attracted to men! No more thoughts. No more desires. No more confusion. What about God?! 8/3/17

Click here to read my wife’s role in my freedom story!

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228 comments

  1. I take great joy in your deliverance from this sin-slavery that was in your life. What makes me saddest about this post is the comments of those who think your type of sin was somehow greater than theirs.
    I have struggled with some sins that have no more temptation for me (e.g. even thinking of taking drugs makes me sick to my stomach), thank you, Jesus. While I have others that I have struggled with practically all my life (disrespect, lust, arrogance). While I would love no more to have to struggle with them, I know that when they start to creep (slither is a better word) back into my life, that I have shifted my eyes off of Jesus. Even the doing of good works (I also am a missionary) is no substitute for our love relationship with Jesus. Thus even for those struggles and temptations I say, “Blessed be the Name of the Lord.”

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    1. This young man reminds me so much of the former associate pastor at my church. He is still a good friend of mine. He had “same-sex attraction,” married out of seminary, and became a missionary.
      They had three children, divorced, and now he lives with his boyfriend.
      I don’t believe any Jedi mind tricks will change his sexual orientation.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The powerful mind blowing works of GOD are not Jedi mind tricks. All things are possible when you have faith and open your heart and accept his plan for you.

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      2. “The powerful mind blowing works of GOD are not Jedi mind tricks. All things are possible when you have faith and open your heart and accept his plan for you.”

        Even if “his plan” is for you to be gay?

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      3. Good for him!! I’m sooo glad he is happy now. I’m very saddened by this article and this young man feeling like “saa” is sinful.

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    1. There’s a big difference between behavior modification and God transforming the heart. Be happy for what God has done and is still doing for him. When God transforms you, you are indeed TRANSFORMED!!!

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      1. Ok….so some of you don’t believe God can take away a man’s attraction for another man? But he can give a man an attraction to another man??? Hmmmm! He made the entire world……uhhhhh YES, HE CAN REMOVE ANYTHING HE WANTS!

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    2. Why is it hard to believe? SSA is an unnatural process of thought, humans we’re never designed by God to feel that way for the same gender. So if it isn’t something designed by Him, why shouldn’t it be possible for God (who makes all things possible) to remove that obstacle from the life of someone who genuinely desires to have a relationship with Him?

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      1. Because of every gay Christian at one time or another praying, some day and night, such as myself for ssa to be removed. That would be why it’s so hard to believe.

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      2. Because most of the ex gays end up gay again which means their attraction never stopped in the first place. There’s also many who are bisexual but don’t know anything about bisexuality so they just repress the feelings they have for the same sex.

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      1. “God” is also the god of I have seven children and I have mouths to feed and staying together is cheaper than child support.

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    3. Why is it that ssa is the “one thing” nobody can overcome in out society . It has become so common in our culture that to even question someone overcoming it is greeted with skepticism. Even if someone is genetically pre-disposed to it, that doesn’t mean that is who they were meant to be. People are genetically predisposed to everything from alcoholism to pedophilia, but we would not say they were predetermined to be that way and would desire they come out of those lifestyles and into a lifestyle that is more healthy and natural.

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      1. And it’s not “the one” thing anyway – lots of people struggle just as much to get free from other sins. Food, drugs, alcohol, critical spirits ..,

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      2. Except alcoholism and pedophilia both hurt people. As long as a person safely has sex, it is just as healthy and natural as being straight.

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    4. It’s a complete surrender and a belief that Jesus can deliver you from whatever your struggle is. The SSA struggle is no different than drug or alcohol addiction or any other struggle. Many Christians struggle with many things. When you are sick of the struggle and broken over your inability to stop in your own power, that is when Jesus can step in. Don’t ever believe Jesus will abandon you over one more sin and you’re out. Our salvation is not based on our ability to overcome evil. It is not how hard we are hanging onto Jesus, it is the FACT that He will never let go of you! Don’t give up, Meditate on Romans 7, the Apostle Paul said in Romans 7:15-25, “I do not understand what I do, For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do, this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” One Day at a Time! Go to a Celebrate Recovery Class at a church near you. Have people praying for you too. Freedom will come! Believe!

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    5. Jesus heals everything, one touch and it’s done. Some have to work through, but it’s like the baby eagle, when it starts to peck through it’s shell. If you would help the baby eaglet it would die, because through pecking away at it’s shell it strengthen it’s neck.

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    6. I think we can come under something. A Label example if we accept that label we give it authority. God did not want us under, anything other than His embrace . He said we are the head not the tail.Dueteronomy 28:13 . Being the head makes our authority delegated by God Himself.
      I have come under his wing Psalm 91 :1-2 we have the right as his sons to use His Authority to decide What we allow into our house.
      I do not allow the trash to remain, I put it out Sunday night . The key is to rise up to the God ordained Authority and use it. I am dead to sin and Alive to God . His Grace allows me to continue till I fully can walk in the Fullness of the God heads renewed. Though we fall , though we fall we shall not be cast down

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    7. If you find it hard to believe, I suggest you didn’t actually READ the story. He never claimed it was easy, or that what worked for him would work for you. In fact, he SPECIFICALLY claimed the opposite.

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    8. That’s almost like saying Paul still had some anger towards Christ followers because he once hated them… People change and that’s only made possible by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 12:2 says “…be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Keyword, “transformed.” That’s what Zachary’s testimony is all about.

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    9. His mercy is new every morning. Lust is a daily battle for some, sin is a daily battle for all. Accepting that Jesus died for us is no free pass from temptation. It is a commitment of allowing his Holy Spirit to renew our minds daily, so that we are truly free to live in right standing with him, more full of him than of ourselves.

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    10. ” I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”
      ‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:1-2‬ ‭NKJV‬‬
      http://bible.com/114/rom.12.1-2.nkjv

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    11. It’s unfair to call someone a liar because they had an experience you don’t understand… there are SO many MANY men and women who have experienced the same transformation. But you will rarely hear about them because people who think just like you, Jake, refuse to ‘believe’ them….so their voices are never heard. Perhaps its time we stop believing every. damn. thing, media says in movies and prints in magazines….

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      1. Brlynn There’s also many who claimed to be ex gay and not have attraction anymore to people of the same sex. Then they end up going back to being gay and accepting themselves.

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  2. Oh Dude, thank you so much for this, I am ministering to a new christian who is in a wheel chair that needs to hear this. God stepped right into his life and then brought me in. I love him dearly, your words will bless him dramatically. Thank you for your open and courageous heart!!!!

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  3. Wonderful words…thanks for sharing and for giving hope. Please pray for someone close to me who is living this lifestyle now. Pray that he knows I love him unconditionally even as I disagree with his choices.

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  4. This is so wonderful to hear because it reveals the true nature, power, and will of God in and for our lives. Thank you so much for sharing your amazing testimony with us.

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  5. It takes faith and willingness and true humility. God knows the heart all too well and the thoughts. The one thing that gets in the way is the enemy the devil who roars like a lion seeking all he can to drag them into hell and it’s our job to resist him and rebuke his lies and he will flee. I was a halfway lukewarm Christian not a true follower. God woke me up in 2010 showing me we are that generation to go home to be with Jesus at the Rapture. Shown me how close we are to the Great Tribulation (Jacob’s trouble and the Day of the Lord). I had two bad habits in my life I need broken off and he came through and I was renewed and no longer have these bad habits. Also I lost all desires of the things of this world. Reading myself for his coming. I am not perfect but I stay in humility and true repentance and take up the cross and follow daily. That long narrow road…………..Wonderful testimony of your deliverance and new found relationship with Jesus. Keep looking up Jesus is nearer than we think.

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  6. Thank you for your testimony –wow God is great– and we don’t have to stay stuck to our sins –God is our lover, Jesus Lover of My Soul– and our Deliverer! Keep sharing your testimony –what a blessing!

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  7. Thank you for your testimony – God is great. The only thing I would ask you to do a little more research on in Scripture is concerning Mary Magdalene. There is no definitive indication in Scripture that says she was a prostitute at all, much less that she was following Jesus by day, and “a whore by night”. Though the Scriptures tell us Jesus cast seven demons out of her, it isn’t until Pope Gregory 1 that the notion of her being a prostitute is introduced around the year 590.

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  8. I know people who have sincerely prayed for change over and over and over. I don’t understand. It seems like a game of favorites or either someone is temporarily delusional.

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    1. Deliverance comes from pressing in and allowing our minds to be renewed by the Word…not from asking God to take it away. He’s not our fairy godmother with a magical wand. We can pray until we’re blue in the face but until we get our minds right by filling ourselves with truth, it’ll never happen.

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    2. It is not a game of favorites GOD loves each and everyone of us and he puts us through trials we are to saty faithful regardless of what is going on in our lives

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    3. God is revealing more things of why we have blocks to our healing and deliverance. The devil is real, but so is God and He always has the desire and the power to overcome evil. Not only that, He can use that evil and turn it around for a good use. Seek the Lord and keep an open mind. He is doing a new thing. God bless. Breakthrough is coming!

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  9. If you pray earnestly seeking his face sincerely with no effect, year after year, while Christians around you continue to tell you to pray and change, I would grow very weary and wonder if God was even listening. I get it why so many honest individuals give up. Help me with this for those you haven’t received a miraculous transformation. There are so many.

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    1. I haven’t struggled with this particular issue, but I have struggled (and been close to individuals who have struggled) with issues that sometimes God does not entirely take away. It makes me think of 2 Corinthians 12:7-10;
      “So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations,a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
      Sometimes God doesn’t answer our prayers the way we want, but he’s creating each Christian’s life to be a platform to glorify Himself more. We will not be rid of our struggles in this life, but we are called to follow him in any circumstance, even the seemingly impossible ones.
      For some individuals, their platform is healing in this life. For other individuals, their platform is striving to honor God in the midst of the struggle and looking toward the promise of an eternal healing in Heaven.
      It’s not always easy, but God will always be faithful. I hope that helps some…

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  10. Mary Magdalan was no longer a whore by night…Jesus removed seven demons from her and she was transformed and followed him thereafter, much like yourself. God continue to bless you and yours and lean only on Him and you can handle everything.

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  11. Thank you so much for this message. I have never heard anyone write on this issue like this. I am so thankful that God has done such a great work in your life. I pray that He gives me the strength to share your message. I am a teacher, and a few of my coworkers are homosexual. I don’t want to offend anyone, but I believe God wants the world to hear your message. Please pray for me.

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    1. Jean G. I prayed that our God who is our Banner will go before you. The Holy Spirit will give you the words to say to your co-workers. It is not by power nor might, but by the Spirit so do not be ashamed, for the same Spirit that dwells in you, raised Jesus from the dead, will give you the words to say. Amen.

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  12. Hey Zach,
    Great to hear of such a significant transformation of your life by the Holy Spirit. What a great testimony.
    The terms you use to describe your experience really make a lot of sense.
    If you’re interested in exploring those concepts of “issues of the Heart and Mind” I’d encourage you to check out transformationprayer.org, and particularly the articles on “the pricipals” and “purpose”.
    All the best. And congratulations on your marriage!
    God bless

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  13. God does not hate gays. You have been fed lies. I am a Christian and I do not hate gays. I do not support sexual preference but that does not mean hate. To many in LGBT community translate not supporting them as hating them and that is their propaganda to make LGBT people hate Christians. He loves all but desires that all come to Jesus Christ to be saved and delivered from themselves. Reason no answer happened POSSIBLY: have your surrendered your life to Jesus Christ and been baptized? Do you meditate on His Word in relation to sexual behavior. Do you pray daily and read the Word daily. Do you really believe in Jesus Christ and God. “Scriptural faith is trusting God’s Word and in His Will”. Have you gone to a true Christian pastor and sought counsel. If you have not done these things then you have not really sought Jesus Christ. He does love you and if a person is a real Christian they will love you as well. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not upon your own understanding”
    “And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder for those who seek him” Hebrews 11:6. Faith is trusting in that which you can not see and trusting His Words (Bible) are truth. The world today hates truth. They would rather believe lies than truth. I am praying for you.

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      1. Don’t worry, I reckon everyone has done that at least once. Personally, I’ve done that 3times that I can think of.

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  14. What an absolutely inspiring witness you are being !!!! Thanks for sharing your story and your journey, it’s not always easy to share our brokenness !!!! I’m sure god is using this tremendously! He’s such a great and awesome God!!! So excited for You and your wife!!!! Made my heart happy ❤️

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  15. If you.can’t reconcile the religion you follow with your sexuality, then more power to you in your transformation. I really don’t care if you are gay or straight. I just hope you find happiness. And, I really hope that you can give me the same courtesy.

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  16. Thank you for sharing! We all struggle with something that keeps us from being pure and whole and I live your story because it’s a reminder that the Holy Spirit can work with us and transform our desires. It’s not annihilation, it’s transform. We can be holy abd desire holiness. Thank you for this reminder. It’s a powerful story!!!

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  17. Thank you for sharing this amazing testimony! The points you stated are huge keys to many types of sin and brokenness. You have hit the nail on the head. I pray God will continues to bring you “from glory to glory”. And as you continue to reflect Him and His character, may those you minister to be transformed into His image as well. Blessings!

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  18. Wow. Wow. Wow. The part about guys being a mystery to me literally left me feeling shaken. As someone who is in a relationship with a man at the moment, but feeling the totality of Jesus’s pull, this is incredible. No, your journey is not completely like mine. But there are some similarities that cannot be ignored. I cannot believe I found this. 😱

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    1. Sometimes God comes to us in the tiniest whisper and sometimes like a bolt of lightning…we must choose to listen and obey. I have heard a prayer of the heart answered by the next song playing on the radio or something I read. It’s thrilling when we recognize God’s voice. Your comment on this post made my heart smile. God Bless you!

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  19. Praise God for the healing of your mind and soul! Never stop giving Him the Glory! Bless your sweet heart for sharing your testimony and may God continue to bless you and your sweet family. And bless the Lord for sending you that precious girl to accept you for who you are and allow you to share your testimony to this lost and dying world. You are ablessing on this earth and made for God’s perfect plan ❤ ❤ ❤

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  20. Thank you for sharing this. And thank you for pressing into God and surrendering this part of your life to Him. I have things of my own that are unholy that need to be dealt with, but hearing your testimony gives me courage and hope. I am not struggling with homosexuality, but other sin that has kept me in bondage for a long time. But I do have friends and family who are currently dealing with your past struggle. This gives me hope to keep praying for them as well. Much happiness to you both as you honor Christ in your marriage.

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  21. Each day every Christian must deny themselves (the lust or the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life) take up their cross and follow Him (Jesus). Keep deny yourself brother, take up your cross and follow Him. Praise Jesus!

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  22. Thank you for sharing your testimony. What a beautiful story of the goodness of God. I pray that God will bless and keep you and your wife. May His face shine upon you and be gracious unto you. May He lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace. I pray that God will use you to set the captives free. I pray that He will open the door for a ministry that no man can shut, and shut all the door from the things in the past and let no man open it. In Jesus Name, Amen

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  23. Gay is not something you can fix and in 20 years when this young man discovers that he can’t repress his feelings for men anymore he’s going to hurt the woman he married and cause hell in his family and for his children. Gay is not a disease of the mind and it’s not something that needs to be fixed because the simple truth of it is it can’t be fixed. By pretending to be someone you’re not you will inevitably cause your partner great pain and confusion. “Fighting your SSA” to “please Jesus” is one of the most selfish acts and being with someone you will never be happy with is a selfish act, because in the end it will all backfire. Don’t lie to yourself and don’t lie to others to try and get right with Jesus. There are many different ways to practice being a good Christian man or woman, but you should never be told that who you love is sinful and wrong. If you have Christ in your heart, then you are just as saved and with him as anyone else and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

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  24. ust want you to know that I am praying for continued refreshment for your soul in the Shalom of Jesus. Love you brother so very much. Thank you for being courageous and bold in sharing your testimony. By the power of His blood and your testimony so many are being set free!! May God continue to bless you, your wife and your marriage!

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  25. “He locked eyes with Jesus and changed his thoughts to the things of God instead of his own desires, and he was forever changed”
    Those that have been taken over by their own desires, will never see or understand the power of God. God does not create someone to be guy, but we all are born with sin that we have trouble overcoming. Some see their thoughts and actions as sin and need help overcoming the sin, and there are some that cannot recognize their thoughts and actions are in fact sin. It doesn’t matter when these sins overtake us. It could be as young children or as older adults. Sin has no time table. We all have certain sin or sins that grip us. But the only way of repentance and forgiveness, is to recognize and confess our sin to God and trust Him to deliver us. Its this kind of faith in Jesus that redeems mankind.

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  26. Amazing that so many commenting here deny the possibility that one has reckoned their life in sin dead, and strives to live according to God’s law by grace. Do we assume that the predatory heterosexual cannot, by the grace of God, turn from their ways in repentance and strive to walk by faith? The thief, who all their life took from others, do we always remind them of their past and tell them how impossible it is for them to walk differently?

    What is so wrong with someone choosing to follow what they believe, in opposition to their sinful inclinations?

    Maybe it’s just that so many are so willing to justify their sin that they want to shut their eyes to the truth of God’s word that homosexuality is just as sinful as heterosexuality outside of marriage?

    I praise God for his grace to you, and your wife, and will pray that you continue to walk by faith daily. And when the difficult times come, and they will, you’ll not rely on your old ways but sacrifice yourself and live for one another by His grace.

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    1. We live in a world that only looks for “worldly happiness” instead of eternal happiness. How many times have we heard: If it makes you happy. This is the big lie that our society has bought into. Satan promotes this falsity. “God wants me to be happy and living in this sin makes me happy so it must be right. ” God wants us to follow Him. We give up all our wants and selfish desires knowing the riches that wait our eternity with Him.

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  27. First of all, let me start this off by saying congrats. If this something that he felt was truly holding him back from being closer to God and this was his calling- congratulations.

    I have been a Christian, I am a Christian and I will continue to help and pray and be there for those who are struggling. I am someone’s daughter, sister, fiancée, aunt, co worker and friend. I am your nurse that you cry to, the one who spends that extra time in your room with you to either pray with, listen to or give advice when I should be helping another patient. I am the one that will always greet you with a smile and make you feel welcome and comfortable. When we are about to do a procedure that you are unfamiliar with, I am the first one to grab your hand and ask you to say a prayer with me. I am so many other things but I am also gay. My patients don’t always know this because it’s not important. Just like I don’t care if your straight, or single, or recently divorced… none of that has any bearing on my life just like my life has no bearing on yours. You know me as that smiley warm face that will drop anything to help you or your family. Being gay is a small part of my life.

    You don’t think about being straight everyday – do you? My life at home is exactly like yours. I get up everyday- go to work, come home, make dinner, pay bills and recently started planning a wedding. My life is no different except who I love. I will continue to pray, speak of God and live my life to further understand all that He is and all that He does!

    So again- congratulations for finding a deeper understanding for God. I am happy for you and your wife. I will also continue to seek a further understanding of God with my future wife.

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  28. Thanks for sharing your testimony of the amazing redemptive work of the LORD! Praise God!
    This is not a major issue, but it is quite important, since you are alluding to the Holy scriptures, and we want to handle them with reverence and utmost care.

    First off, “Mary Magdalene” is not the proper name of this important Mary found in the Gospel narratives, and the first person to witness the resurrection of Jesus Christ (John 20:1-18; Mark 16:1-11). The village/city of Magdala is where she was from, thus it means “Mary of Magdala.” That is not her last name, like in English.

    Secondly, there is nowhere in the biblical text that mentions that she was a “whore” as you put it. This seems to be a very common misconception, at least in this country. The only other description of Mary, other than that she was a follower of Jesus and a witness to the crucifixion, and the first witness to the empty tomb, are that “seven demons had gone out of her” (see Luke 8:2; Mark 16:9).

    God bless.

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  29. Hello Zach,
    Your story inspired and reminds of my life. In all I endured and all I am struggling with. Same thing is with being gay. I hear so many stories of people are free from it. I feel God hates me and won’t deliver me also. I been at this back and forth thing for years. I tried and try but yet fail. Your story made me cry and is compelling. I am reaching out because your life and life are so similar in nature. Crying as i type and can’t get free from this. Lord Help Me!

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    1. Eddie, I hear you. I am in the same boat, for 38 years, God never delivered me no matter how much praying I did, no matter how much fasting I did, no matter how much I read the bible, no matter how much I tried to get close to God heart and receive his love. This story if real and true, and that he wasn’t bisexual, as many that I have seen that said they were healed were bisexual, and I am not saying he is, just that there are a lot of elements to this. There is more going on with us than any of us know. I ask myself every day why God hasn’t delivered me, and I ask every night and every waking morning. The problem is that God can do anything, but he doesn’t. He could have healed my cousin of Muscular Dystrophy, but instead he lived a life of great pain. Have people gotten healed of Muscular Dystrophy, well, yes, I know of one case, but it was a child, and I don’t have the knowledge of how that child is doing now. So God healed one baby of Muscular Dystrophy, Yet there are thousands and thousands that pray and don’t get healed that have great faith and love God with all there heart. I pray for the sick and I see them get healed, but I go home and I pound my head and I yell at God and I say, why God why? Why did you heal that one, and not that one? What was so special about that person, that you decided to heal him or her? Did the other person do something wrong? It seems that Zach’s case is one of the lucky ones. I don’t know why, I don’t know how. I know that God loves you very much, I know that he loves me very much because he created us. I cry every night, that I have missed, getting married, having children, having a career, being able to socalize with people, because I am probably older than Zach, I didn’t have as much as the “it’s ok to be gay” type stuff around me. I had to grow up in fear, or I felt I had to. I was afraid of losing family and friends. I still have my family, but I did lose friends that were religious nuts. No one needs them. I have other friends who are God fearing and loving people who accept me for who I am right now, in the struggle I am in right now, that don’t ask me to do anything but try to be happy, instead of sad and depressed, who try to help me.
      I think it is more than a thought process, I think it is a brain problem and a hormonal problem in the womb, but that is just my own research. Even if it is just a thought process, You can have a group of people in therapy for the same reason and use the latest skills that they think work, CBT and DBT. Some will get maybe what looks like a healing, or maybe healed, some will get some healing, others wont’ get a thing. It’s not that they don’t try, they do, I believe with all there heart, something stops them from recieving, or there brain doesn’t process information like the way it is presented. I don’t know my dear friend, but I will be praying for you. I will pray to the Lord that he set you free. Until that time, try to find friends and family who love you and support you. Don’t beat yourself up. If God doesn’t heal you, think of alternatives of how you want to live your life. What career do you want? Do you want to maybe adopt a child at some point. Please don’t go down the road I went down. Live life! Pray! Have fun! Don’t let fear, anxiety, depression, beat you down, as they will destroy you, like they have with me. I have given up the fight. I spent all my money on various therapies, retreats, conferences, you name it, spent my life savings, and now I have nothing.

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      1. The renewal of your soul in God’s eyes was worth everything to Him. You are everything to Him. When you have God you have enough because He is everything, kinda like Job. I was recently telling a friend about many losses I have been going through and they said “just curse God and die”… yep, actual words! Not very encouraging. I hope you will find a tiny bit of hope in this short video. God thinks you’re awesome! We are all tempted to do things that God dislikes but temptation is not a sin!

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  30. Hey! Thank you!! Man! Thanks…..I needed the reminder that it’s MY journey with God. It isn’t going to look like anyone else’s. How I learn and change isn’t how anyone else does or will. I don’t have the same struggles but I know I’ll be free from every single one I have!! Congratulations on life ❤️❤️

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